For the past several days, I have ramped up my reading of scripture and books about God, Christianity, and spirituality. I have also been very open and vocal in expressing my beliefs and faith. I was feeling very clear and strong, spiritually. I was functioning in the present moment and doing good work.
Then, late yesterday, I was conned: I purchased what turned out to be a very inferior product that I really couldn’t afford. The salesmen, who came door to door, misled me and misrepresented the product. When I discovered the poor quality later, I felt crushed because not only had I been careless, the young men and I had shared our religious beliefs: we had talked about our beliefs in God and the importance of strengthening that belief…long before it is too late. (one young man’s mother had just died.) Sergio and I even discussed his desire to write, particularly when he receives divine wisdom from God.
What was worse, though, was that purchasing something impulsively when I cannot afford it, is an old pattern for me. So, not only was I crushed, I was disappointed in myself.
It got worse. Later last night, I fell into another old habit; I found myself in an imagined conversation with the people who had destroyed my financial and material security 15 months ago. (I was wrongfully fired and lost my home, income, credit, reputation, friends,…)
And it got worse still…most of last night was spent in a twilight sleep where a dozen or more memories of being mistreated, marched across my consciousness.
This morning, I feel a bit beat up and stunned.
What do you think is going on here?