“Your Mother is Deranged!”

The healthiest, most functional families have two parents fully engaged in the lives and well-being of each individual and the family as a whole. One parent usually keeps track of the home…how organized and clean it is kept…and the health and well-being of the family:  feeding them; keeping them suitably clothed; making sure they are doing well in life, work, and school. The other parent often keeps track of the finances…brings money into the family, invests it, and makes plans for the future…and keeps watch that the home is safely protected. Both parents pass along to the children the skills and knowledge they will need to succeed.

What would happen if the father told the kids, “Your mother is deranged; she sleeps around and gives away your food to strangers. I’m not giving her any more money for groceries. She’s crazy. She’s not like the rest of us. You are not safe with her. We would be better off without her.”

What if the mother said behind their father’s back, “Your father is only in it for himself.  You watch; as soon as he saves up enough, he’s going to leave us. He doesn’t love you; he despises children and says you’re a drain…a weight around his neck. He’s probably got some woman on the side because he doesn’t love me, either.”

When the children hear this enough, they don’t know who to trust; they go inward and feel bad about themselves. They act out or get involved in things that provide some sense of control or predictability in their lives like a clandestine group, a street gang, drugs, alcohol, guns, or suicide.

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America has a two-parent, legislative government which allows for our Congress to act like the two parents of a healthy, functional country. One ‘parent,’ or party tends to keep track of the health, education, and well-being of the American people and the health of the home they live in; the other keeps track of the growth, safety, and financial health of the country and how well it is getting along with its neighbors.

Both governing parents…both entities are necessary. For one parent to tear down the other is damaging to their relationship as well as their dependents; it is a waste of time and energy and a distraction from the real challenges the family faces from outside the home. Tearing down each other Makes No Sense.

I am grateful for our 2-party system of government. I want to be able to count on one side to keep a watch on our future and our financial growth…to keep our economy strong. I look to them to keep a watchful eye on our neighbors and to keep us safe. I look to the other side to keep watch on how well the American people, especially the children, are cared for, taught, and prepared for the future. I depend on this side to keep watch on the health of our land, air, and water. I expect one side to keep their fingers on the pulse of business; the other to keep a tending eye on the disadvantaged and the weak. Both are necessary. All of it matters.

There is no reason…and no room…for the two parents of any family to discredit or attempt to destroy each other; that’s stupid. Any single parent will tell you:  no one person can do it well, alone. The whole family suffers if one parent dies, leaves, or does not contribute. The scope of life is too big; the responsibilities must be shared.

So, you two, stop tearing each other down, come to the table, and talk; there’s work to be done.

(I borrowed the photo at the top from the Rand Corporation; I hope they will allow me to use it.  It was the best depiction of what I am trying to convey available.)

 

Get It Done

 

Forgive everyone for everything…including yourself.

Detach from of all of your issues.*

Reacquaint yourself with God.

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*What I find helpful is to envision Jesus with a wicker hamper at his feet. As issues come up, I put them in the hamper, say Thank You, and back away. If I find I’m carrying that same issue around with me again, I put it back in the hamper and back away…again. I do it as often as it comes up…seventy times seven times…plus 1, if necessary.

When I find myself carrying on an argument in my head with my boss from 15 years ago, it goes in the hamper and I back away.

If you are being bullied, put it in the hamper and back away.

If you are fearful of tomorrow, put it in the hamper and back away.

If your obsession is to be an actress, put it in the hamper and back away.

If you hate Trump, put it in the hamper and back away.

Tired of being ‘Politically Correct?’ Put it in the hamper and back away.

Seeing a white man with a black woman together makes you angry? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Sick of hearing about billionaires and their tax cuts? Put it in the hamper and back away.

You are Bipolar? Put it in the hamper and back away.

You fear your boss has Bipolar Disorder? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Ashamed that your daughter is pregnant? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Feeling guilty that you are spending money you really don’t have? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Feeling good about meeting your budget and giving to the church? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Want to kill your father for groping you? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Grateful you’re not fat? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Wish you were skinny? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Always thinking about consciousness? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Love that your house is so beautiful? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Hate Coach K? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Afraid you are pregnant and you don’t know whether to be happy or scared? Put it in the hamper and back away.

In constant pain? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Hate the Jews?  Put it in the hamper and back away.

In need of forgiveness?  Put it in the hamper and back away.

Can’t tell fake news from real news? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Counting on them getting theirs on Judgement Day? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Afraid for your children? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Proud of your accomplishments? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Lost your faith?  Put it in the hamper and back away.

Your wife is leaving you?  Put it in the hamper and back away.

Dying of cancer? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Wish you had said then what you have been practicing and rehearsing in your mind for the past 10 years? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Obsessed with posting memes that insult Liberals? Put it in the hamper and back away.

Wishing you had a laser to blow the tires out on that damned truck that just cut you off in traffic while the driver flipped you the bird and all you can do is glare because you’re driving a Gremlin and the horn doesn’t work……put it in the hamper and back away.

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This does not mean you do not work toward your dreams, stop someone from abusing you, be an activist for the disabled, build your business, or save money for the future.  You do the work but you release the anger, the fear, the regret, the urgency, the resentment, the pride, the arrogance,…    You detach from the need, the desire, the obsession.

All these emotional attachments are covering over the God Part of you that wants to breathe and have expression in the world.  We all have identities we cling to:  I am a single mom. I am bipolar.  She is clairvoyant.  He is a Republican.  They are Hispanic.  You are wealthy.  He is a Trump supporter.  I am a Christian.  I am a recovering racist.  You are a Humanist.  I am old.  She is smarter than you.  I am an adultress.  She is crippled.  He is a Yankee.  She is a cocaine addict.  They are Holocaust survivors.   He is a Vietnam Veteran.  I am a Tiger Fan.   If we can lay our identities to one side just a bit and let our God Part be what we present to the world, peace will come.

The Pendulum Stops Here

Some people think the solution to racism is to turn the tables … to even the score by having white people volutarily give up what they have to give to the blacks….for white people to eliminate themselves from competition so the black people can win…to swing the pendulum back the other way.  I say, the pendulum must be stopped. We must stop addressing the issue in terms of ‘us’ vs ‘them.’ As long as it remains a duality issue, there will be no resolution. A third force or perspective must be introduced and THAT is where the Gospel comes in.

Christ’s commandment was to love our neighbor. Who is your neighbor? Everybody but you…everybody… and that includes the misguided souls who claim allegiance to a ‘supremacy.’

Christ’s commandment was also to love our neighbor AS ourselves. Not ‘as much as’ but AS. Our neighbor IS us. Misguided ‘supremacists’ are part of the whole; abused and unjustly condemned but innocent black men are part of the whole. And the whole is All of us… which is you.  It’s also me.  It’s also Putin.  It’s also the people of China and North Korea.

If we were to stand as neutral force between two extremes and hold both in safety as they beheld each other and saw each other as loved by God, then we could watch as a new reality arose.

It is a natural human tendency to want someone to suffer…someone to pay for injustice; I get that. But that wastes time and does no good. We need healing now. When Jesus dealt with the people wanting to stone the woman caught in adultery, He did not have her throw stones back at her accusers. He dispelled the whole thing by asking who had not sinned.

Who among us has not hated? None of us is fit to condemn. We can, however, stop the stoning.

The pendulum stops here.

 

(The image was borrowed from the internet.)